有很多事情与我的艺术作品没有直接联系,但却对它产生了影响。
就在三年前,我的伴侣被诊断出患有运动神经元疾病。在过去的18个月里,我每周至少有5个晚上睡在他公寓的沙发床上。他处理得非常好,这是一种可怕的疾病,使他完全瘫痪,现在不能说话。
“透露”这一点感觉很奇怪——尤其是在这里。
我对此(几乎)有一种矛盾心理——它既重要又无关紧要。作为一个艺术家,有一个患有绝症的搭档对我来说意味着什么?我不想要特殊待遇(或同情),与此同时,我想让人们知道为什么我没有参加那么多应该参加的开幕式,或者有时几个星期都不去工作室。
再说一次,和他在一起无疑会影响我,因此也会影响我的收入。
我离开演播室,乘公共汽车去约翰家。电视正在播放晚间的游戏节目或肥皂剧。他坐在躺椅上,窗户关着,声音很大。我把声音调小,告诉他我的一天——注意到他的眼睛一直在看无声的画面。我把声音调大,然后去厨房做晚饭。约翰现在需要清淡的饮食,有时我渴望吃点有味道的东西,但又懒得做两顿饭。因为我必须用勺子喂他,我们通常共用一个盘子和餐具,这比到处换要容易得多。晚饭后更多的是看电视。夜班看护人员收拾盘子,洗碗。公寓是为约翰布置的,实在没有地方放我的东西,所以我和约翰坐在电视机前。 At about 11.00 I help the carer get John into his wheelchair, he takes his medicine and they go off to the bathroom. While John has his teeth cleaned and face washed I make up the sofa bed. I assist the carer undressing John and lifting him into bed. After I've been to the bathroom I go back to the bedroom put John's alarm on his wrist and kiss him goodnight. In the morning I have a shower and make breakfast while two carers get John out of bed, make him tea and take him to the bathroom. I spend some time with John in the bathroom, him sitting on his shower-chair, me holding the cup of tea to his lips (he dribbles more than he did a week ago). When he's ready for his shower I leave him with his carers and go to the studio ….